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Full Spectrum Cycling
Weekly Dose of Fat – Holiday Week Edition – Show #36 – 12-26-14
Dec 26, 2014
Weekly Dose of Fat – Holiday Week Edition – Show #36 – 12-26-14
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0:00
Weekly Dose of Fat for Friday, December 26th, 2014, show number 36. You're about to get your weekly dose of Fat Bike Radio.
0:14
[upbeat techno music] Hey, welcome to the show everybody.
0:31
This is Sven with your holiday hiatus edition of the Weekly Dose of Fat. We'll be back with our regularly scheduled programming after the first of the year.
0:42
Meanwhile, we'll just be putting together, uh, some outtakes and interviews from the past, uh, 35 shows to entertain you until we're back live in your ear.
0:54
Of note to people this week is an event in Zion, Illinois, called Fatter by the Lake. If you're anywhere near Zion, Illinois, at the northern tip of Illinois there, right on the Lake Michigan shoreline, check it out.
1:07
There's a link to the event in the show notes. That's something that you won't want to miss if you can make it. Also this week, per usual, we've collected some links from around the web and have those in the show notes.
1:19
Make sure to check them out.
1:21
And now, in honor of Surly sponsoring the show, and because Ben and Tyler are some of the most fun guys in the business, we present a rejiggered version of the interview we did with those guys back in October.
1:35
Enjoy, and we'll see you in a couple of weeks. Hey, this is Dirty from translators.com. When I'm sitting at home drinking my beers, I listen to Sven and Gomez on Fat Bike Radio.
1:46
[upbeat techno music] All right, say words now. Okay. Hows about those words? I'm gonna give you a phone number. Oh, okay. To call me. All right.
2:03
A gnome number. Get it. Give us- Yeah, I mean, whatever... give us approximately 53 seconds. Okay. All right, bye. I got a cat named Way Out Willie. [snorts] All right, know a cat named... Yeah, whatever.
2:22
He makes me feel kind of chilly. [snorts] Hand job. I didn't think that white people were allowed to know the real words. Do that crazy hand job.
2:38
[laughs] What do you bet I dialed the wrong number? [laughs] Lay your bets.... quality bicycle products. You may dial your party's four-digit extension at any time.
2:56
[phone rings] 48, 49. Like, "Hello, this is Tyler and Ben." [laughs] Is this the spank shack? [laughs] Hello? So I think that probably, uh... Do we have levels on their end?
3:14
Let's, let's let them just jauntily, jauntily- All right. One, one at a time, say some words. Make them good ones. Um, cube. Um, cube. [laughs] Um, cube. All right.
3:31
Now, now Ben. [laughs] Cubicle. Should, should I say words that have a lot of, like, hard consonants in them so that you can tell the levels on your microphone? That'd... Will that help? Right on.
3:43
You're finally a fucking professional. [laughs] We're speaking into the same unit. Yeah, you guys- That's good... unit. All right. So are our levels set? He said unit. As good as they're gonna get. They're good.
3:56
All right. All right. We're, we're high- Cube... we're high-tech as hell here, yo. Yeah. We got the Boombotix speakers right up next to the, right up next to the microphone, sitting on a cardboard box.
4:06
Uh, it's an M-Audio Nova, for those of you who care about audio stuff. Yeah, we got a good microphone. All right. So are we, are we recording now? Oh, yeah. We've been recording since- Oh, that was all-...
4:17
since you dialed the wrong number before and talked to that lady. How does... So what I don't understand is how does your voice get from where you are to where I am? Um, we are using... We- [laughs]
4:30
We are, we are using, uh, a Left Eye gypsy curse in combination with voodoo. And, and yelling. That is language that I understand. [laughs] That's laughs. Tin cans and string. Yelling really loudly. [laughs] Yeah.
4:42
So, hey. Welcome to the show. We have Tyler- Thank you... we have Tyler and Ben from the Surly home office. It's in their luxury conference room on the QBP mothership up there in sunny Bloomington, Minnesota.
4:55
We combed through the catacombs to come up with some poignant and rather intellectually stimulating questions for you guys. Nice. Yeah. Are you ready for this? We're super ready.
5:06
I- I love poignant and intellectual questions. Well, n- I don't know what any of that means. Yeah, [laughs] me neither. Right, well, what- We're just parroting what they're saying. Very true.
5:15
If, you know- Luckily, everything you're saying is coming through. It's coming through in text for us as well so we can read the words phonetically. [laughs] Yeah, buddy.
5:22
'Cause, you know, we're talking about questions from the unwashed masses here, not from professionals like ourselves. Or- Um, the un- unwashed professionals like yourselves? [laughs] I, I'm...
5:34
Certain parts of me are washed, like my hands. He kind of smells good today, actually. So this week we asked some of our listeners to come up with good questions, and we got, we got one.
5:47
[laughs] We had, we had several people reply, but- Oh, we got more than one listener? No. Oh, really?
5:53
Uh, only one that had a good question, and that question- Only one good quest- that listener had one good question, and then all the other list- He also had a whole bunch of bad questions. No, no, no.
6:03
They all asked, they all asked what I told them would get them, like, you know, a big pile of shit on their doorstep. [laughs] Right, right. They all asked all, all the stu- You can just... Yeah...
6:13
stupid- Just read the question. There, there's no such thing as a stupid question. [laughs] Just stupid people asking stupid questions. [laughs] Well said. But- Thank you...
6:24
hey, David Drewman from Ottawa, Canada, that's up there in Canadia- Hey... uh, he asked, "Have any of the Surly guys on the show ever eaten coaster brake bacon?" Um,
6:39
well, I feel like that that, that's potentially a Canadian euphemism for something. [laughs] I'm comfortable admitting out loud that I don't really get Canadian humor. I don't get it.
6:52
So, you know, that, that one just went over my head. Ben, have you ever had coaster brake bacon? I, I- You're from Michigan. You're practically a Canadian. I grew up very near the border.
7:01
Um, I don't know what that is, so I'm gonna say yes. So you probably had it. I, I think I had it- Well-... this morning... there's all kinds of things that we feed you when you're passed out. Yeah. So- Well-...
7:12
that might have been one of them. I'm just gonna say yes. I've done a lot of your shit. Well, the correct answer was, are you talking about Canadian bacon or an American bacon? And then- Oh...
7:22
David Drewman gets, poom, shot into the abyss. So our, our second question is from Sam Delvecchio from Topeka, Kansas. What's the new secret message on the Big Fat Gnard?
7:36
Um, I just mounted one of those up, uh, yesterday. So you know the answer to this question. I think I do. Um, I don't remember exactly. I think it's- Wait a minute.
7:47
I would like to stop, Ben, right now and remind all of your listeners- Yeah... that- [laughs]... that, uh, if we tell you what the secret fucking message is, then it sort of stops being a secret.
8:04
[laughs] So, denied. [laughs] It sounded like, it sounded like a Sovereign quote, though. [laughs] Yeah. It sounds, sounds like positive Sovereign. So, you know- Like-...
8:17
everything that Sov says- Lava lamps, bean bag chairs, Quintos... is a quote, so. So there's, there's like the Tao of Sov on the side. See, you could have just been elusive and not had to swear so much.
8:28
So bachelor number two, what- Do you have to beep out the swearing- No... on your podcast? No. Fuck no. Not until, not until, uh, Apple tells us that we- Do you, do you answer, do you answer three out of 15?
8:38
[laughs] Uh- A lot of people say that they, that I behave like this because I hate our customers. I behave like this because I love them too much. [laughs] That's why I behave like this. [laughs] That's the truth. Yeah.
8:50
That's the truth, too. That's not some, you know, saying that I thought would make me sound nice. It's the truth. And by your customers, do you mean the bike shops that put your bikes in or the end result customer?
9:00
Which one of these? Uh, he's talking about the filthy, unwashed consumers. No, no, no, no, no, no, I mean bike shops. I think our end customers are pretty sweet. Just kidding, bike shops. You're great.
9:08
[laughs] I like bike shops. I don't hate anyone or anything. Because, because if you work in one, you probably hate yourself.
9:14
[laughs] I'm filled with love for both bike shops and for people who ride bicycles, all of them, every one of them. I worked in a bike shop for a long time, so I'm personally offended. I said that, that I'm full of love.
9:24
I also said I don't have any friends, so- [laughs] There you go... maybe that's why, because of my too, loving too much. [laughs] Every, every bike shop should know that yesterday was National Grouch Day.
9:36
[laughs] [laughs] That's all I have to say about- Oh, that would-... our friends-... that would explain a lot... at local bike shops. Although- So bachelor number two, what is your favorite part of riding bikes?
9:48
That's for either of you. [laughs] What... my favorite part of riding bikes? Yeah. Uh, I like it when- [laughs]... cars honk at me- [laughs]... and say mean things. What's your favorite part about riding bikes?
10:04
Yeah, bachelor- My favorite? Bache- I don't know. I like to be alone in the woods. Oh, that's a good answer.
10:09
[laughs] I like to be alone, but I like to, you know, like, it's fun to ride with people sometimes, with acquaintances or, uh, colleagues, but, uh, I like to be by myself and in the woods.
10:21
And I think it's fun to see animals that I don't normally see. Like, when I ride past a snake, that's pretty cool, or a polar bear. Um, that's never happened, but I imagine it would be something I never forgot. Yeah?
10:35
Ben, Ben has ridden past several bears. I have ridden past some bears. I've never ridden past a bear. I almost got hit by a deer. A skunk almost squirted me once. That would've been really horrible.
10:45
I'd rather get mauled by a beer, bear, I think. I- Deer, 'cause I call them beers. [laughs] Beer. You mauled beers. Uh, I'll- No, a deer. I said bear.
10:54
Sometimes you drink the beer, and, well, sometimes the beer drinks you. Indeed. So, uh, I'm, I'm with Tyler. I'm, I'm kind of, I'm, I'm a bike explorer. It takes me to places that I wouldn't, you know, run to.
11:08
[laughs] Like the Uptowner. Or w- [laughs] Or, or walk to. Well, normally you wouldn't, because, well, frankly they're too slow to drive, but way too far to walk. [laughs] Exactly. The perfect middle distance.
11:23
[laughs] [laughs] Which brings me to that's why I ride bikes. So are you guys- To quote Dave square. Are you guys aware that there's a, uh, that there's a Save the River Bottoms program going on right now? Yeah. Yeah.
11:38
Since that's where... That's, like, your testing grounds. That's, that's, like, hallowed fat bike grounds. Yeah, that, that's sacred ground right there that they're gonna pave over.
11:47
Yeah, and all the best parts, though, they're not gonna pave over. That's what I keep saying to myself.
11:51
Like, like I see, I understand people wanting to save it, but a lot of places that we ride, w- but we probably shouldn't be riding, and, you know.
11:59
Uh, but a lot of those places, they're not gonna pave over 'cause they're hard to get to. Yeah. Well, I mean- They're not gonna, they're not gonna put any shopping malls in down there.
12:06
They're just gonna put in a paved path for people to use on sunny days, so you'll have to deal with those people, like,
12:12
you know, 12 days a year it'll be horrible, and then, you know, it'll get cold, and all those people will go hide. Sure. And then you'll have it to, all to yourself again. Well, I think- It's that progress, man.
12:24
But it does suck. We could. [laughs] Well, I think it could coexist, but it just doesn't make sense to me to build anything in a floodplain, 'cause it's just gonna get fucked up. I know, that- that's crazy talk.
12:36
That's crazy talk. What they ought to do is build a retirement home down there. Yeah. [laughs] And then when all the olds die down there, they'll see what a bad idea it was.
12:44
[laughs] Well, um- Building in a floodplain is- is insane. But that's the thing, when you're talking to people, if the proposal is crazy, if the proposal is illogical, you can't fight illogic with logic.
12:55
Those people don't understand that, you know? I gotcha. So maybe, maybe any- That's like, that's like someone trying to explain to me how, you know, I don't know, Susan works.
13:07
[laughs] Like, I don't even, I don't even think that's real. I don't think it's a real thing.
13:12
You- you- you can explain it all you want, but you're basically, you know, it's like somebody who knows a lot about Middle Earth.
13:18
[laughs] You know, like, you can tell me all about Middle Earth, but I don't, I'm pretty sure it's not a real place there, Tolkien. [laughs] Oh. Well, that's about, that about- Yeah...
13:29
that about sums up Surly and bicycles and fat bikes and- [laughs]... and everything. Middle Earth, kids, it's not real. [laughs] It's not real. All right.
13:41
So it's like trying to fight, trying to fight their crazy talk with...
13:45
That's the other thing too, is they'll build it, and once it floods out and they, and they're unable to repair it, then they'll go and, you know, two years later it'll be back to everybody's old riverbank.
13:53
It'll be a sweet ruin. Yeah. It'll be- Yeah... an amazing place to camp. Yeah.
13:58
[laughs] Hey, they- they've done that here in Milwaukee already to give access to people to places where they have to roll into on their non-bicycle oriented wheeled vehicles. And s- Mm-hmm...
14:07
and a year later it's already being washed out and rutted because they didn't build it very well. And, uh, you know, they didn't follow IMBA's trail practices. [laughs] Yeah. So- Yeah...
14:19
there's just ruts and- and- and washouts and all sorts of stuff where you can't get your wheeled vehicles except for bicycles down there anyway, so you're right.
14:27
Give it a year and it'll be back to where it was, and they'll have spent money and whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It's the spending money that's the drag, but I'm not sure I even believe money's real, so. It's not. [laughs] See?
14:39
There we go. [laughs] It's just a way of keeping us all tied down to something. Yeah. I buy- Speaking of that, we sell bicycles. Yeah. [laughs] And everyone who's listening who doesn't have one should buy three of them.
14:52
And everyone who's listening who does have one of them already should buy four of them. [laughs] Not only do they sell bicycles, they sell woolens and light bondage gear.
15:01
You take one of those junk straps, put your, put your partner in a pair of bondage mittens, they ain't getting out of that shit. So till you're ready to let them go. I wondered where my shoe ball went.
15:14
[laughs] All right. The junk, the junk straps have many uses. Indeed. And they kick ass. Uh, yeah, they're- they're- they're great. It's the most useful tool I've ever carried with me. [laughs] I'm not expecting...
15:31
Didn't mean that to be funny. [laughs] Stop laughing. All right. Well, thank you. Are you having a heart attack over there? [laughs] Are you just like suddenly just possessed by bud habit?
15:44
I think I just might have had a small seizure. [laughs] I don't know. I go into the show every time saying I'm not gonna do that, but then they give me beer and I start talking to funny people, and...
15:58
What kind of, what kind of beer are you guys drinking today? Uh, we have the, uh, what is it? The, uh- Ballast... Ballast Point Sculpin IPA. Yeah, buddy. Nice. Yeah. It's- it's got a sex tint on it.
16:13
[laughs] It's, uh, it's the show's half birthday, so, uh, we- we splurged. Happy, happy half birthday. Yeah. [laughs] Whatever that means. Yeah, what does it mean, a half birthday?
16:25
That means that it's the 26th show, you know? Like a one month anniversary. Like, clearly there are words in that sentence that you don't really fully understand the meaning of.
16:35
[laughs] It got me a six-pack of really fancy beer. [laughs] 7, 7% ABV. All right, you've been manipulated into that. Those are pretty sweet lies, but... [laughs] All right, guys.
16:48
Well, you guys go sell some bikes, and we're gonna continue to, well, do our radio circle jerk that we do. Torture people's eardrums. All right. Thanks very much. All right, fellas. Yeah, thank you, guys.
17:01
Yeah, see you, guys. We'll see ya. Are we really hanging up? No, you- [upbeat music] It's all about fat. It's interesting to make it pretty, baby, out the bottom your hat.
17:23
Woo! Hey, this is Dirty from Translation.com. When I'm sitting at home drinking my beers, I listen to Sven and Gomez on Fat Bike Radio. You've been listening to Fat Bike Radio's Weekly Dose of Fat.
17:39
Find us on the web at fat-bike.com/radio. We'll see you next time.
17:48
[upbeat music]
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